Using Communication to Effectively Set Boundaries

Using Communication to Effectively Set Boundaries
By Linda Finkle
A couple of months ago I wrote a post about setting boundaries being a critical business communication skill. Several people shared their own experiences that included phones and staplers being thrown, and even a manager who spit-yes, spit-on a direct report.
Clearly we need some more work on setting boundaries. The question that keeps coming to me is: How and when do we set boundaries? Here’s the good news: It’s all about using communication effectively. First, the “when”.

When do we set boundaries? Here are some examples:

When someone does something that is unacceptable, tell them right then. If throwing a stapler at you is not acceptable, you need to let them know. Say something such as “I can see that you are really frustrated, and throwing things at me isn’t good for either of us.

Next time you are frustrated, would you like me to leave and you come get me when you are ready to talk? Or do you have another way to handle your frustration?”

You can apply the same concept when someone says something unacceptable, whether that’s name-calling or 4-letter words you don’t approve of, whatever.

Repeat offenders need gentle reminders. If they continue to use foul language, say things that are inappropriate, throw things… whatever they are doing or saying for which you have made requests they stop, tell them again. “Peter, I have asked that you not (fill in the blank). This behavior is a problem for me, so how do you suggest we handle this?”

How do we set boundaries?

Be clear about what you would like, be non-judgmental and do not attack them. And please keep your emotions out of the conversation. Telling them you think they are a jerk or hot-headed isn’t going to be effective.

Sharing with them how you would like to interact with them and why has a greater chance of getting results.

Boundaries can include scenarios like not interrupting when you are on the phone, your door is closed, or when you are in conversations with other people. It can include what is acceptable to share with a customer or an employee… it covers a lot of ground.

The important thing to remember is that setting boundaries is all about using good communication skills. Be clear about what you want to communicate, keep your emotions in check, don’t be defensive, determine WIIFT (what’s in it for them) to change their behaviors, etc. Say what you think, just know when and how.

Linda Finkle, CEO of INCEDO GROUP, works with innovative leaders around the world who understand that business needs a new organizational growth style. These innovative leaders know that powerful cross-functional communication is the highest priority and the strongest strategy for building organizational effectiveness. To find out more, visit: http://www.IncedoGroup.com.

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